A High-Level Summary of the Book by Stone, Patton and Heen. Office of In most difficult conversations, there are different perceptions of the same reality. A Difficult Conversation Is Anything. You Find It Hard to Talk About. Sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion come quickly to mind as difficult topics to. Slappy said: Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emo Douglas Stone,. Bruce Patton.,. Sheila Heen A “difficult conversation,” according to Stone et al, is “anything you find it hard to talk about”.

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Including your relationship with yourself. One common, but infeasible, goal is to change the other person.

Difficult Conversations

If they can’t arrive at a solution to the problem of whether Henry conveesations work the weekend, then they each face some choices. I’m not good at having “difficult conversations”. Understanding and reevaluating the thoughts, perceptions and beliefs that gave rise to the emotions enables us to negotiate difficlt our own feelings, shifting or moderating them.

Simple emotional labels can mask complex bundles of feeling. What’s at stake for them? Because at bottom, difficult conversations are about feelings. I can definitely see how this could be disarming. Ok, so this was touted as THE book to solve the personnel problems at the food coop I used to work at.

This means doing stuff like learning to listen to your own emotions, and thinking hard about which emotions you’ve learned are appropriate and which are taboo, and thinking about how jeen learned to express your emotions.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

So by that logic, reading this book will make you more money in your career: Anger is an easier emotion to handle than self-loathing or incompetence; like a nation which goes to war rather than address domestic inequality, getting pissed off is a way to dodge your own spiritual self-improvement. The authors identify common errors that people make in these sorts of conversations.


ADHD adults and other communication-challenged people embarking on this journey will need a partner willing to endure a lot of practice, reflection, and setbacks.

Now that you are going to be heard, what do you say? Less rigid identities are not as easily threatened because they have more give. Contra John McCain, there is a difference between listening to someone you disagree with and consenting to their demands.

If he can live with that, or indeed prefers that, then going off with his friends makes sense. The light-a-fire-in-your-belly discu Compared to the other ‘be-vulnerable-and-have-the-courage-to-talk-about-hard-shit’ books I’ve recently read this one seemed too business-y and dry, the process it outlines too prescribed.

Don’t believe that you understand someone’s intentions. Stone et al urge readers to keep in mind that facts fit into a story, and disagreements usually stem from different stories rather than conflicting facts. This makes the other person aware of the behavior, and it brings out more unexpressed thought and feelings.

Solid advice, illustrated with copious examples, on how to tackle emotionally-charged conversations in the workplace, romantic life, and family life. He might say, “Rosario, I really am sorry. But discomfort and Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emotionally-loaded discussions between two people.

Refresh and try again.

Each needs to think about what they will do if they can’t arrive at a solution together. Clear, precise, to the point, it does exactly what it sets out to do.

Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen | : Books

The authors say that “the single most important rule about managing the interaction is this: But I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this with me Prepare emotionally, ahead of time for their response. I was surpr This took me ages to get through, I did not find it to be a very gripping read. Check out our Quick Start Guide or Video.

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What i notice is the difference it makes inside ME: This may take the other person off pattoj defensive and make them more open to hearing about their own contribution, because it signals that you’re not trying to cast them as the sole villain. I try to re-read it regularly to keep it fresh in my mind. However, our beliefs about another’s intentions are often wrong.

One helpful suggestion was that some of us need to work on blurring the rigid lines with which we define our selves and not think of ourselves in such black and white terms, such as Good and Bad, Industrious and Lazy, Smart and Stupid, etc. When I’m hurting and desperate, I’ll find something to be angry about.

Unfortunately, not everyone has read this book! Approach conversations with the intent to listen and learn, not to deliver a message. Not sure what it was. If anger is what’s getting in the way of a productive exchange, then you’ve gotta deal with anger and the brew of other emotions which are almost always simmering underneath it.

Compared to the other ‘be-vulnerable-and-have-the-courage-to-talk-about-hard-shit’ books I’ve recently read this one seemed too business-y and dry, the process it outlines too prescribed.

Unexpressed feelings can leak back into conversation, and can preoccupy people so that they are unable to be good listeners. Sometimes difficult issues should be raised; others times it is best to let them go. I think she was trying to tell me something.

Difficult Conversations 6 2 Jan 16,